The Little RB26DETT That Could
by Mizzykitty
Summary: A parody of the little engine that could. Just a lil something to put a smile on your face.


Chug chug chug chug puff puff puff puff, slowly but surely the little RB26DETT made its way up the narrow, curvey, mountain pass.

"Oh, I am so determined! I am working hard for my master, so I can be proud of my Night Kids sticker," the little RB26DETT rumbled to itself. "I am going to make this hillclimb faster than any other engine, and soon I will make my master the fastest racer in all of Gunma!"

At every turn the little RB26DETT remembered to push hard, drive conservatively, and most importantly take full advantage of its AWD drivetrain. "This is going to be easy! I'm the ultimate Japanese muscle car! I can do anything! Everyone better watch out for my R!"

Just as the little RB26DETT was getting a bit carried away with itself, a big shiny new engine suddenly blew past it, leaving its little intake choking on exhaust.

"Hey! Who the hell are you?" the little RB26DETT coughed and spluttered.

The shiny new engine slowed so that it kept pace alongside the RB26DETT.

"I am the 13B 2 Rotor, and I am the newest, shiniest, whiniest rotary engine ever built!" boasted the shiny new engine.

"Oh," said the little RB26DETT, feeling rather inadequate in comparison.

"I'm going to make this hillclimb faster than you can say 'FD', because my master is the fastest racer in Gunma!" the arrogant engine declared haughtily.

By now, the little RB26DETT was feeling very low indeed.

"Oh please, Mr. Shiny New Engine, tell me what I'm doing wrong! I am the ultimate Japanese muscle car…how is it that you are faster?"

The 13B 2 Rotor snorted egotistically.

"I give you racing tips? Indeed not!"

"Oh, just one hint? Please?" it begged with an appeasing whir of its turbo.

"Oh alright, but just one. To be faster, you need to conserve your tires."

It suddenly began to rain on the poor little RB26DETT, dousing it from bumper to bumper. The little engine dimmed its headlights in shame.

"Thank you, Mr. Shiny New Engine. I will practice hard and conserve my tires."

"Very well. Be careful…it's raining out. Many engines don't know the true horror of rain."

And with that, the shiny new engine zoomed off to its garage in Akagi, where it lived with its Aniki when it wasn't busy.

The rain suddenly stopped, and the little RB26DETT continued on its way.

"I will conserve my tires!" it purred with determination as it sped up the mountain pass. "My master WILL be the coolest, fastest, best-"

Just then, a very big strong engine flew past, nearly pushing it off the road with the incredible amount of air it displaced with its vast array of scoops and wings.

"Hey! Who the hell do you think you are?" roared the little RB26DETT indignantly.

"I am the 4G63, and I have been bred specifically for the WRC. I am the king of the mountain!" the big strong engine bellowed.

The little RB26DETT quivered in its Kumhos, for the big strong engine was very scary looking indeed.

"In one month's time, my master will be the fastest racer in all of Gunma, and there's nothing you can do about it!" the engine proclaimed.

"But how can that be? I am the ultimate Japanese muscle car, how can I lose to you?" the little RB26DETT insisted.

The big strong engine laughed mockingly.

"In front of me, you are just a toy, little RB26DETT! Now out of my way, I have a prefecture to conquer!"

"But wait! Can't you tell me what I'm doing wrong, so I can go faster for my master?" the little engine asked hopefully.

The big strong engine shifted its gears in thought.

"Alright. But first, you must pay me a sticker toll."

"Oh," said the little RB26DETT. It had never heard of this before, but since it didn't see any harm in paying the toll, it did.

"HA!" scoffed the big strong engine. "Here is my advice to you: stop being such a whiny loser!"

And with a windshield-shattering roar from its massive intake, the big strong engine zoomed off to its garage in Tochigi, where it lived when it wasn't busy.

The little RB26DETT squealed its timing belt in anger, which is how engines curse.

"The nerve of that engine! Well, I don't care what it says, I'm going to make it up this mountain, and be the fastest little RB26DETT that I can be!" it said with a whir of its turbo and a psshhh of its blow-off valve.

Just then, a little old engine overtook it on the inside, and passed right by the little RB26DETT.

"Who the heck are you?" it churred in surprise.

"Aaah," rumbled the little old engine, ponderously switching its gears. "I am the 4A-GE, one of the most classic Japanese race cars. Why, who are you?"

"I am the RB26DETT, the ultimate Japanese race car!" the little engine purred, revving itself with pride.

"Aaah," whirred the old engine. "Never heard of it."

"Never?" the little engine blurted, flickering its headlights in astonishment. "You must be so old that your timing belt is frayed! Are you sure you don't need an oil change?"

The old engine revved in consternation.

"I may be old, but I can still beat you," it pointed out.

The little RB26DETT's confidence deflated. Its antenna lowered sadly.

"That is true. Your master must be exceptional indeed. So please tell me, what can I do to get faster, so that my master can be the fastest racer in Gunma?"

"Aaah…I don't know," the old engine admitted, its windshield wipers swiping its glass a couple of times, (which is how engines shrug). "I don't know anything about racing…I just try not to spill my water."

The little RB26DETT found this rather hard to believe.

"Surely you must know something! Please help me, Mr. Rusty Old Engine!"

"I can not! I can not, I can not, I can not, I can not," chugged the little old engine as it zoomed off for its garage in Akina, where it lived when it wasn't busy.

By this time, the little RB26DETT was getting very sad indeed. No matter how hard it tried, it could not go fast enough to be worthy of its Night Kids sticker.

"Oh what ever shall I do?" it grumbled, driving all the slower for having lost its concentration and confidence. "I'll never make my master the fastest racer in Gunma."

"HEY!" an engine shouted, slamming suddenly into it from behind.

"WAAAH!" squealed the little RB26DETT's tires in surprise. "Who the hell are you, and why are you running into me?"

"I'm the B16A, Honda's engineering masterpiece! And you, little RB26DETT, are never going to win any races unless you stop thinking that way!"

"What do you mean?" the little engine asked, rolling down its windows so it could hear more clearly what the other engine had to say.

"I am not very big, and I can only go downhill. I can not go uphill like you big engines, but that doesn't stop me from being the fastest downhill specialist in Myougi," revved the little red engine with obvious pride.

"That is so true! I can't always lose!" the little RB26DETT's intake roared to life with newfound determination. "Thank you, Mr. Little Red Engine!"

"No problem. Just do your best, because the rest of the Night Kids are counting on you!" encouraged the little red engine with a flick of its headlights.

"I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can," puffed the little RB26DETT as it zoomed up the mountain with vigorous zeal. It would make its master proud! It would transfer its power to its grippy little Kumhos with the best of its ability, and one day, it really would be the ultimate Japanese muscle car, and the fastest little engine in Gunma.

The End.


End file.
